The Man in the Mirror
by SaiyaSith
Summary: Ronald Sandaval must come to terms with who he is. Set early season two.


**The Man in the Mirror**

A story by Jen LeMaire

The subject sat alone in front of the embassy. Like every other morning for the last two weeks, she sat and silently observed the people moving in front of her. She arrived precisely at 06:45am and departed at exactly 07:15am. The subject usually kept two vigils. One in the evening and one in the morning. She had been spotted keeping her nighttime "sitting" from 9:00pm to 9:45pm

Special Agent Ronald Sandoval was intrigued. Who was this woman who sat so still and so alone every day? And more importantly, why did she keep her vigil in front of the Companion embassy? Turning slightly in his chair, he accessed his first memories of her…

Walking towards the gates of the embassy, he spotted a slender woman sitting on the concrete ledge in front of the gardens. She was of medium height and had dark wavy hair. Her face was expressionless, her eyes hollow. Almost as if her soul was dead…

The chirping of his global startled him out of his thoughts. "Sandoval here." he snapped.

"Sir, Lassiter here. I have the bio for the subject you are investigating."

With a totally unreadable expression, Ronald Sandoval nodded his approval and cut the link without a word…

The short walk home was a torment, as it usually was. Each step magnified the emptiness in his heart and soul, for he knew that his beloved was gone forever. The memories kept trying to surface, the ones he desperately needed to bury. The guilt and anguish that came from acknowledging the cost of his service to the Companions threatened to overwhelm him…His CVI was the only reason he did not go completely insane.

Opening the door to his apartment, he entered the dreaded place. How he hated this place! And the man that lived there…Walking past the coat rack in the hallway, he turned and glimpsed the man that stared at him from the mirror. He turned away in disgust. Throwing his belongings to the couch, he headed to the kitchen to feed his skryll…at least –someone- liked him…

It was on the way to work the next morning that he had an idea. The more he thought about it, the more he was certain that it was what he must do… 

He returned to his apartment and gathered the things he needed: extra clothes, a different hat, and most importantly, a few items he learned to use at the Agency….

He was ready to put his plan into effect…

The woman outside the Taelon gardens barely noticed when an older man sat down next to her. Very little about the man stood out. He had silver hair and a dark complexion; the combination made him rather pleasant to look at. After several long minutes, the aging man broke the silence. "You come here often?" he asked with a voice that was surprisingly soft.

When the woman didn't answer. The man continued, "Oh, I guess you don't talk to strangers then. Well, my name is Ronnie. Care to tell me your name?"

Slowly then, the woman turned. She stared at him with eyes that betrayed an emptiness beyond imagination. It took her several long seconds to form a reply…almost as if she had not spoken in ages.

Finally, she whispered, "Judie. My name is Judie." Turning her head towards the ground, she ended the eye contact.

Something inside the man began to churn. A conflict of wills and emotions. Something deeper still began to cry out from the depths. And a lonely soul began to emerge from its shell…

In a quiet voice, the man spoke gently. "Hello Judie, I am glad to make your acquaintance." 

That was essentially the conversation for the day. However, each morning after that, Judie found Ronnie waiting for her by the Taelon gardens. Their friendship began slowly. A few exchanged words here and there. After several weeks, they went to have coffee for the first time…

Ronnie didn't talk much about his life or his past, and Judie was reluctant to speak of hers as well. But eventually, she opened up and shared a few details of her life with Ronnie: Her family was dead. She had no other relations. She had only lived in DC for a few months. She was employed with a local cleaning company and serviced office buildings from 10pm until 6:30am. 

During one of their "coffee times" Ronnie brought up the question of employment. "Why do you clean office buildings, Judie?" he asked. "You are such an intelligent woman, surely you have some marketable skills?"

Judie stared at the tablecloth for so long that Ronnie thought perhaps he had asked the wrong question. Finally, she answered, "I used to be an office manager for a company back home…" at the phrase "back home" she choked up and could not continue. Ronnie put his hand on her arm to steady her, and after several minutes, she was able to finish her reply. Sniffing back tears, she said, "After…after my family died, I just didn't have the heart to be around people anymore. I had to move away, to start over…or at least try to."

Dark eyes stared out from under graying eyebrows and took several long moments to assess the person across the table. Finally, Ronnie asked, "Judie, what happened to your family?"

Tiny, stifled sobs escaped from around Judie's arms as she buried her head in her hands. Ronnie remained there, watching, and waited for Judie to find some sort of release. After several almost-silent minutes, he whispered, "demons from the past will consume your present until you reconcile your conscience to your soul."

The weeping gradually subsided, as the woman began to meditate on the words of her friend. An almost hateful whisper cut the silence after the tears, "How do you reconcile killing those you loved???"

A frigid shock ran through the man at that point. ~How indeed?~ he wondered. Because he had no other words to say, and because these words were true, he uttered, "I understand. I promise you I do."

Judie picked her head up from it's cradled nest in her arms and stared at her friend for a long, long time. Something inside her told her that he really did understand. And yet, he was still her friend…still sitting here…and he did not reject her or hate her. He just looked at her with questioning eyes that warranted a further explanation. His acceptance gave her the confidence to continue her "confession". 

"What I'm telling you now, I've told no one. You see," she said. "My husband and children were going to the local zoo for so that I could have some time to myself. He had asked me to go and purchase new tires for the car the day before, and I completely forgot. On the way to the zoo, the car had a blowout. My husband lost control of the car and skidded straight into the path of an oncoming truck. My husband and daughter died instantly. My son died three days later." The emptiness echoed through her voice as she spoke. "I died that day. I could no longer stand even looking at myself." Anger poured through her words now as she spoke with more intensity. "Don't you see, I killed them! If I hadn't been so selfish and wanted a day to myself…if I had actually remembered to get the new tires for the car…it never would have happened. My husband, my babies would be alive today………if it weren't for me." With this, her head dropped and she stared at the floor. "If it weren't for me…"she whispered. "If it weren't for me…"

Ronnie stared in shock at the woman before him. The isolation that had consumed him since his wife's death suddenly faded away in a wash of understanding… 

Reaching out to take her hand, he stated simply, "I understand." 

Several long minutes later, he spoke again. "Nothing can change the past…or the mistakes we made there. We only have control over our future and what we choose to do with it. Your life is too precious to throw away here. You need to go on…make something of yourself…start over. Not as a cleaning lady…you need to do something you only dreamed about before. What do you dream about, Judie?"

For the first time since the conversation began, she looked Ronnie in the eyes. He saw life there…the life of dreams waiting to be born. With a nervous half-giggle, she said, "You're going to think I'm crazy."

Shaking his head in obvious irritation, he answered, "Nothing you can say will make me think you're crazy."

"OK," she said, "You asked… I've always wanted to go into space…to be apart of another world." Her smile faded when she saw her friend jump at her words. "I told you that you'd think I was crazy." she spoke, nearly crying again.

Ronnie's surprised face erupted into a smile as he said quickly, "No, no…it's not that I think you're crazy. It's just that…well, some people don't really care to work with the Companions." A flash of realization rushed across his face. "Is that why you sit in front of the embassy each day?"

Now it was Judie's turn to smile. "Now you know. The Companions brought me hope…hope that life does go one elsewhere…hope of new beginnings. It comforted me to sit by the Embassy gates." Frowning slightly, she finished, "I guess it's about as close as a nobody like me will ever get to them…"

Ronnie took a deep breath, which caused Judie to look at him intently. Turning his head to the side, he put his hand to his chin and said, "Hmmm. You know, I think I might have a few friends up north that owe me a favor…"

Three weeks later, the two friends sat outside the Embassy gardens for what was to be the last time. Judie looked like a totally different person. Her eyes were alive again, and she wore a perpetual smile. Ronnie had tears in his eyes as he said his good-bye. "Promise me that you'll remember me up there in New York." He whispered.

Judie took his hand and replied, "Ronnie, you've been the best friend I could ever have. I don't know how you got me the job at the UN, but you did work a miracle. I can't believe that I actually get to work for the Companions! It's a dream come true. Listen, no matter what…I promise I'll never forget you. If you're ever in New York, please look me up…"

Smiling a sad smile, Ronnie answered only with a nod. After a quick hug, Judie said, "I'm going to be late for my plane…take care, my friend."

"You take care." He answered as he watched her walk away.

That evening, the walk didn't seem quite as long to Ronnie. He entered his apartment and hung his hat on the stand. The atmosphere felt different…lighter somehow. He walked into the bathroom and undressed, throwing his clothes in the hamper by the sink. After his shower, he dried himself off and stood in front of the sink removing the last of the makeup from his face and eyebrows. For the first time in a very long time, Agent Ronald Sandoval looked at the man in the mirror and liked the man who stared back..

ã 1998 Jen LeMaire all rights reserved

The Companions, Taelon Embassy, and Agent Ronald Sandoval are all property of Tribune Entertainment and are used without permission. All other characters are the authors' creation. 


End file.
